When One Wants Sex, and the Other Doesn’t

13th February, 2010
By Sue Brayne

A menopausal friend called me this week to talk through something that had upset her. Well, ‘talk through’ isn’t quite the phase. She was steaming mad. Her husband had brought her an early morning cup of tea, climbed back into bed beside her, and told her calmly that sex was about choice;  i.e.  it was about time she chose a) to have sex more often, and b) to enjoy it again.  ‘Be sexual’ he said, patting her on the arm.

‘ A bonk is one thing’, my friend spluttered down the phone line, ‘but being sexual is quite another.  It takes up such a lot of time, and anyway, you can’t just  turn the damn thing on like a bloody tap. What does he want me to do, call the sodding plumber?’

That could be a solution, I ventured, especially if the plumber had a more developed feminine side, but she wasn’t in the mood to listen.  I understand she and her husband are just about talking, but I reckon he’s a lucky fellow not have had his head kicked in, or maybe something worse.

Not that I don’t sympathise with her husband.  There is something hang-dog about a man who isn’t having much sex. I should know, I live with one.  My husband says it’s the fault of evolution.  It’s not fair for older men to continue to yearn for sex only to be slapped away like  irritating gnats by wives who have other things occupying their minds…like doing an MA in creative writing, or preferring to sleep with the dog, or escaping with a girl friend to find peace and quiet – usually involving large quantities of wine and a good moan. He then proceeded to tell me that he thinks about sex at least 60 times a day. 60 times a day!  I think about it once a month, and that’s a good month.

Thus continues the chronicles of sex, meaning and menopause.

Leave the first comment

Related blog articles...

Nine people squeezed onto Mystic Moon – a record so far – in order to talk about death and dying…. Read more

Well, here we are at the start of 2012. Normally I wouldn’t hesitate in wishing everyone a Happy New Year. … Read more

A huge thank you to Instinctive Living for publishing this blog on talking to children about death and dying. Check… Read more

I don’t know about you, but I am maxed out with suggestions on how to cope with lockdown and COVID-19. Yesterday,… Read more

Envy consists in seeing things never in themselves, but only in their relations. If you desire glory, you may envy… Read more

This pop-up was requested by four psychotherapists, three of whom were about to enter their final year of training. What… Read more